


Ass Mountain

by goldenteaset



Category: Fate/EXTRA, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bad Poetry, F/F, Hakuno just wants to sleep or have sex, Honeymoon, Humor, Post-EXTRA CCC, Saber is a glutton for compliments, Same-Sex Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-28 22:40:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2749751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenteaset/pseuds/goldenteaset
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Red Saber's ending in CCC. </p>
<p>During their honeymoon, Saber offers up a love poem to Hakuno. This being Red Saber, it's...beyond compare (and beyond good taste).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ass Mountain

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I misread "ass mousepad" as "ass mountain" and realize that, (un)fortunately, that sounds like part of a Roman erotic poem--particularly one by Nero.
> 
> I'm unsure if I used too much or too little of Red Saber's "Hmm" verbal tic. I keep thinking that it's too high, but maybe not? O_o
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/EXTRA. In theory I own Red Saber's poem here, but really, why would I want to?

“Praetor. _Praetor!_ ”

Hakuno groans and struggles to sit up, blinking away sleep from her eyes. Saber is bouncing lightly on the bed in a manner somehow both innocent and edging toward obscene. Being naked (with hickeys decorating the valley between her breasts) definitely doesn’t help. She’s clutching a scroll in her hands, her fingers clearly trembling with the urge to unroll it.

“…Is something wrong?” Hakuno asks, as she glances out the window briefly—the moon is still up, so it hasn’t been too long since she went to bed.

“Hmm, nothing’s wrong, Praetor! Actually, everything’s gone very right!” Saber unrolls her scroll with a flourish—Hakuno is relieved to see it isn’t _too_ long. “In honor of having become your wife—or are we both wives? Hmm, wife and wife…anyway, I’ve decided to liven up our honeymoon!”

Hakuno has a strong suspicion of where this is going. She looks down at Saber’s ink-stained hands and decides it wouldn’t hurt.

“Our honeymoon seemed very lively not too long ago…”

A pout begins to form on Saber’s face.

“…But I think I see your point. Is that a love poem?”

Saber nods eagerly. “Do you want to hear it?”

“Yes, please.” Hakuno stifles a yawn with her hand. “Sorry, I don’t mean to—”

Saber laughs softly. “Just don’t fall asleep until I’m finished, understood?”

“Understood.” _She said that when we first had sex, too…I guess sex and the arts are really intertwined for her._

“Hmm, good!” Saber fidgets to get more comfortable and clears her throat. “Here we are, _For My Praetor’s Honeymoon_ :

_You are a warrior and bride both,_

_Flushed with victory and desire._

_Your ass rises like a growing mountain_

_In my imperial hands._

_Our wedding veils are in tatters, our skin bare,_

_Supple and simple in need and deed._

_My shadow covers yours, they split and meld_

_Like new lumps of clay._

_You’ve given up your girlish ways; together we_

_Shall be women and men both, desiring and loving each other_

_Until our bones are ground to meal_

_And our skin splits like overripe melons_

_To let the worms in._

Hakuno isn’t sure what she can _say_ to that. Certainly, she had looked up Nero’s poems before, but…this was a rather different experience, having a (albeit terrible) poem written specifically for _her_.

_What’s more, Saber’s…turned on. But I think she wants more compliments than sex right now._

Saber’s cheeks are tinted pink, and an eager smile lights up her face like a tiny sun. Her unbound hair looks more silver than gold in the light of the moon, draped across her bare shoulders. _This really is a poem straight from her heart, huh…it’d be cruel to slap down such good intentions._

“Saber…” Hakuno tries to find words. “That had a lot of emotion in it in a few words. I’m impressed—and flattered, too!”

She wants to ask if asses really _can_ rise (she suspects not), but decides to just Google it or something later.

Saber’s eyes glow with delight, and her pleased laughter fills the room. “Hmm, of course! I can only give my best for my Praetor!”

Before Hakuno can respond, Saber has tackle-hugged her, making Hakuno’s head drop back onto the pillows like a stone. Saber is warm and comforting, but also rather stifling. Hakuno somehow manages to get Saber to wiggle off so that they can curl up side-by-side, and Hakuno breathes easier.

“Hmm…what part did you like the best, Praetor?” Saber asks, her voice suddenly dropping an octave and making Hakuno’s body grow warm.

“Um…well…” _Guess there’s nothing for it._ “I was curious about the part about my ass ‘rising like a mountain’…did it really do that?”

Saber cocks her head to one side in thought. A devious smile slips across her face as easily as undressing for bed. One hand slides down Hakuno’s bare back, leaving the sharp stirrings of desire in its wake.

“Hmm…I can show you, if you’d like.”

Hakuno chuckles. “Oh, yes.”

Before, Saber wouldn’t touch her like this (Hakuno wouldn’t have known what to do except refuse on reflex), but they’ve been through enough that touching is easily done. Hakuno arches into her hand, entwines her own fingers in her Saber’s gleaming hair.

It doesn’t take long before Hakuno forgets what her question was entirely. In the morning, she’ll be covered in love-bites (hopefully in places invisible to the public), but at least they’ll both be content. Everything’s going so well, in fact, that when she turns her head in the direction of the clock, it’s purely by accident (she’s giving Saber more room to kiss her neck).

“Um, Saber…?”

“Hmm, yes Praetor?” Saber sighs, reluctantly leaving her wifely duty.

“…Did you know it was almost two in the morning when you woke me up?”

“Of course! But never fear, we can sleep in without worry!” Saber looks like she solved every problem in the world.

“Good point, I guess.” Hakuno smiles. “Then let’s keep going…”

Saber looks down at her with an unreadable expression. “…Praetor, what else did you like about my poem?”

“I-I’m still so overwhelmed, can’t it wait?” It’s not a lie—more of a double-truth. She’s throbbing and hot, and in desperate need of relief.

But Saber is unrelenting. “I want to hear your thoughts, my dear Praetor. Then I can have inspiration for my next masterpiece!”

Yes, Hakuno is _definitely_ going to sleep in after this. For a long, long time. 


End file.
